I knew coming into 2021 that it was a number 5 year. The number 5 carries the vibrations of transformational change, (inner) growth, grace and freedom. What I didn’t know was it would be one of the hardest years of my life.
Before the new year comes in, I prepare for it so I’m ready. I usually fast, I pray, listen for direction from God and I also write my plans on my vision board, but for 2021, I didn’t make too many plans as I knew the year would hold a lot of changes and I also didn’t want to experience any more disappointment due to my plans being put on hold, or worse… failing altogether. I felt I had experienced enough loss, and I didn’t know if my heart could take being told to “wait” again.
What stuck out the most about this new year was transformational change, and I just knew it meant it was time for all the physical changes I desired for my life to manifest! However, as the year began to progress, I quickly saw that God had other plans for me. I knew the transformational change I was hoping for in my physical world wasn’t exactly what I thought it would be, when I noticed I was losing things, and relationships close to my heart were coming to an end all within the first quarter of the year. I was being put in situations that caused me to go within- my spirit, heart, mind, emotions and soul, to use the healing tools I had attained during the heart of my healing journey. I had to make some hard decisions, and each decision I made supported my healing, growth and integrity.
I got to the point in my life that I realized answering the call of purpose on my life meant that I needed to trust God 100% as my source for everything… and so I did! The scripture, “We can make our own plans, but God determines our steps… ” came alive in real time! It was something I wasn’t just reading, I was seeing it play out word for word, because I was living it. In allowing God to order my steps I was able to trust God within my process completely. That was lesson number 1, that set the precedent for this entire year. I have 4 more to share.
As a life coach and mentor, with healing as my ministry, I understand once you make the conscious decision to heal, it becomes a lifelong journey, and as you progress in your healing, you mature to different phases in your healing journey. The last phase of your healing journey involves living your divine purpose… doing whatever it is you were created to do in the earth, to be a blessing to others as well as yourself.
2. I’m yet still healing…
Relationships, no matter the basis, have always been a challenge for me because I realize so many people don’t love unconditionally, and they lack integrity, and both of those attributes are huge for me! I spent the early part of my life looking for love because I was never taught it was already within me, and to have it abundantly, I just needed to nurture it. I knew that God is love, but it wasn’t until I had a personal encounter with Him that I knew God loved me unconditionally, and that’s how I love myself and others, so naturally I expect the same in return, and it’s only when their actions bruise my heart and hurt my soul that I’m reminded how dangerous setting expectations for others really is.
This year showed me how I create expectations for people based on their role in my life and their relationship to me, not taking into consideration where they are in life, love and happiness, and because I have set such high expectations for them to fulfill simply because of who they are, I’m disappointed when they can’t or simply chose not to reciprocate that same unconditional love to me because it doesn’t serve them… even if they realize it hurts me. I have a soul full of experiences that have taught me about love and relationships, and a toolbox full of tools I can use to nurture healthy relationships with clear boundaries.
I made the conscious decision to let go of a few relationships that were no longer serving the whole of who I am. I forgave the people attached to them, and I also learned the lesson the relationship was sent to teach me. I understand some people will always be in my life, and that I have the power to create the necessary boundaries that will allow me to live in peace, because I am guarding my heart and honoring the whole of who I am, without harboring any negative feelings toward the person as I wish them well.
However, this year my awareness was increased even the more about the foundation of relationships and how the people within our vital relationship circles are a mirror to our soul. A person loves based on their experience with love and their perception of love, and if they are experiencing brokenness, when faced with the decision to uphold integrity, they will go with whatever makes them feel good and brings them temporary fulfillment, even if it causes you pain, because the brokenness in their soul causes them to seek acceptance and love outside of themselves, instead of nurturing it from within. I pray for your healing.
3. Protect your Peace at all Costs!
This year I learned a valuable lesson in protecting my peace. When my car was down because it needed a major repair, my first thought was to rent a car, but when I realized how expensive it was and that I didn’t have all the money, against my better judgment, I made the decision to ask a family member if I could borrow their vehicle. I really didn’t want to borrow it because they always think everyone is out to get them. They let me borrow their vehicle and every time I got in it to go somewhere I was anxious and literally praying that nothing would happen as I was driving it, because I just knew even something as minor as a flat tire would be my fault. I used their vehicle for a week, and by the end of the week, I had enough of my peace being disturbed. After praying about what I should do, I made the decision not use their vehicle anymore. I prayed for a miracle and God provided!
In my reflection of that week, I learned so much about my peace. I understood that I went against my better judgment because I felt like I was in a desperate situation, that God wouldn’t come thru for me because I didn’t have a “real” need- food, water, shelter or protection, I just need transportation, however when I got to the point where I allowed my desperation to put me in a situation that caused me to worry and have anxiety, I chose my peace and to trust God to help me and it was at that moment I saw how God cares about ALL of my needs, and whatever I need He would provide. God is my source.
4. Living by Faith isn’t always Easy.
I pray a lot. I talk to God a lot. I hear God very clearly and a few months ago, God told me to make a move that I was a little unsure about because I felt like I wasn’t prepared. So, I kept stalling and going back and forth on my what I should do. I was tired of being in a state of unrest. I was literally exhausted because I couldn’t make a concrete decision. So, I prayed for direction and clarity one more time, and this time I heard God loud and clear! “Move and do it within the next 2 weeks.” I said, “Ok God, I’ll make the move. I trust you.” I made a list of things I needed to do, and I started with the minor tasks that really wouldn’t have an adverse impact on my life if for some reason I chicken-ed out on this faith move I was being instructed to make. I was down to the last week, and I couldn’t sleep because I was still unsure if I was doing the right thing in making this move. I asked God for a certain amount of money and I still didn’t have it… I didn’t even have a quarter of it, and it was that night that I asked God why didn’t I have the money I asked for if in fact I was supposed to make this move and instantly, I’ll never forget, God said to me, “You want me to bless you with what you think you need to do what I’m telling you to do and I’m telling you to step out on faith and trust me… I got you!” and it was in that moment that I received a deeper revelation of faith.
God’s track record is immaculate when it comes to Him coming thru for me and honoring His promises in His word over my life! I have been on this faith walk with God as a lifestyle for a while now. Everything I do requires faith! Some things seem small, and others seem astronomical to the point where I’m trusting God with blind faith because I don’t see how this “thing” could possibly work out, but God! So, I make faith moves with the expectation that what I’m trusting God to do is for my highest good, and just like God can hear and see that I’m trusting Him, so can the enemy, and here comes the attacks! Literally, the day of my move I had a major setback, and I began to panic because I thought I missed God, and I started thinking about all the “permanent” decisions I made and all the money I spent that I couldn’t get back and in the midst of my panic, I sat down and took a moment to breathe, and I said to God, “I don’t understand what’s going on… I’m trusting you.” God revealed to me what I was experiencing was a minor setback that would work out for my highest good and it did!
When you are doing what God is telling you to do, there will almost always be an “attack” sent from the camp of the enemy to cause you to question your faith and if you are truly hearing God, because the enemy does not want you to prosper and he definitely doesn’t want you to fulfill your divine purpose. Still trust God.
5. Don’t Give Up.
As much as I pray, affirm the word of God over every area of my life and trust God in the process, I get discouraged at times, and on a few occasions this year I wanted to give up! The pressure from what I was having to endure was too much. It seemed like I was getting hit with situation after situation, that I did not have a fix for and so I would just pray about it and trust God to fight for me and work it out. The straw that broke the camel’s back was when it seemed as though I was being made to choose between living my purpose and being homeless. I was on a downward spiral of hopelessness because I was focusing so much on the chaos around me, instead of my faith in God, which only worked to amplify my hopelessness, fear and worry.
For two seconds, I entertained the thought of leaving my ministry/nonprofit organization and going back into the corporate world. My thoughts were so conflicted. I couldn’t think clearly because there was so much confusion clouding my mind and I was asking God what was going on and immediately I realized it was an attack from the enemy! In that moment, I prayed for direction, and clear as day God spoke to me and said, “Do not abandon the work of your hands. I am your source for EVERYTHING, and I will take care of you just like I always have.” I began to affirm the word of God over my life and in turn the fear, worry and anxiety I was experiencing began to dissolve from my being. I made the decision to continue doing what God has called me to do by way of my purpose: heal, edify and inspire as I trust God in the process.
The decision to answer the call of purpose on my life was a conscious one, and I know the purpose God has on my life is unique to me. I wasn’t forced, nor was I coerced in doing so. I know some people may think I’m crazy for the decisions I make and that’s ok… I was delivered from the opinions of others some time ago, but I have to do what God has purposed for me to do, because God is my source for EVERYTHING and no matter what the circumstances of my life look like, I won’t give up!
This chapter of my life has been full of inner growth, transformational change and freedom. I learned so much about who I am on a deeper level. So many things happened that seemed unexpected, and I was at a loss as to what to do, short of trusting God, and others were expected as I had been praying, believing and putting in the work for them to happen. I would not change anything about this year because the experiences that entered my life, helped my faith to grow exponentially! I needed every one of them to happen for me, to prepare me for where God is taking me in this new year of 2022, and in life as a whole. I don’t want to live thru any of what I have been thru again, so I am grateful that I have learned the lessons each experience was sent to teach me, and I look forward to receiving all of what 2022 has in store for me! I pray God’s speed and blessings over your life. Happy New Year💜🥳🌟