The Reset.

chess-gd14ebcad2_1920I usually take the month of December to prepare for the new year, but last year I didn’t. I simply didn’t make the time. I was so busy trying to complete the remainder of the items on my 2021 agenda, that I neglected everything else… including me. So, when January came in, I was already exhausted, and I noticed early on I was beginning to feel weary about the newness within this year and it hadn’t even really got started. I was experiencing slight anxiety about feeling like I was unprepared for the new year…

2021 was a hard year for me, and I know for so many others as well! I can confidently put it in the books as one of the hardest years of my life. It was so challenging I know the me of ten years ago would not have survived it, so I’m thankful and grateful for my healing and growth that allowed me to tap into my inner being and trust God with an unwavering faith no matter how dark my days seemed.

Although I understand there was absolutely nothing I could have done to make 2021 any more bearable, I knew I didn’t want a repeat of last year, and when I really started thinking about how my year started, I realized I still needed to take time for me to prepare for 2022 even if it meant I was preparing for it “late.” Reluctantly, I began taking time for me day by day to mediate, listen, observe and plan, as I still took care to manage my responsibilities. I couldn’t help but think, “What if I missed something because I decided to rest? How would I deal with yet another setback?”

Why am I like this?

As much as I trust God as my father and source, I realized a part of me was still holding on to my past disappointments, causing me to be controlled by a fear of failure. I have been thru so much in my life, more specifically the past 10 years. It has been a time of immense healing, growth and alone time. During that time, I learned how to depend on God for EVERYTHING, because I saw first-hand how I couldn’t depend on those in my life for solid support. I also noticed how some people even used my time of need to step on my neck and I remember how low their actions made me feel. I had a hard time processing that season of my life because it was so painful, and because the transitions never seemed to end, I developed bad anxiety and I experienced anxiety attacks often. After some time, I came to realize, as long as I focused on the pain, that’s all I would experience and continue to attract to my life. I wouldn’t see the lessons my experiences were created to bring me. However,  being present was what I had to be to rest and in resting- trusting God in my process, my anxiety began to fade into a peaceful existence.

My time of introspection helped me to set a few meaningful intentions for this year:

Always affirm God is with me! 

Here I am in a new year and a new season in my life, realizing I’m still in my alone season and at the same time knowing God is with me within it. Last year I made a few huge moves on blind faith out of obedience to God and I found myself in a space that personified how much I was alone, BUT never lonely. I had some moments of uncertainty because the circumstances of my situation were a little bleak, and when I began to re-focus my energy on gratitude and affirming God is with me, I saw God’s hand in everything! I was extremely uncomfortable, and it wasn’t until God shared with me it was by design so I wouldn’t get comfortable in a temporary place, that I was at peace as I patiently wait for my promise.

Stop waiting for “it” to happen.

My time of introspection helped to increase my awareness of the preciousness within “the moment” and I’m learning daily how to enjoy it guilt-free. I have been in the habit of saving so much for that special day, place, and occasion that has yet to manifest or for the time I may be without, and before I know it, literal years have passed and I’m still waiting to wear my new dress, pair of shoes, and to use that facial cleanser that has been sitting in my closet, instead of enjoying them within the moment of my life called the present. In doing so it creates room for more “new” to be experienced, lived and obtained because I’m not holding on to “the old” in waiting.

Put me first more.

I’m accepting its ok to think about me more and cater to my wellness and rest. My time of introspection gave me a space to honor my feelings and truly accept where I am.  I have relied on me for so long, that I had a hard time even trusting it was truly ok to rest, even when I am tired. I was committed to working until I achieved my goals, not understanding it wouldn’t make the seed, time or harvest come any quicker because God is ordering my steps.  Outside of my nightly rest, I looked at anything else as a reward and because I wasn’t exactly where I thought I should be yet, in my mind, I didn’t deserve that reward, so I pushed myself to continue to go even when I didn’t have it in me to do so. I was putting everyone before me and getting sick was my wake-up call. I haven’t been sick in years and I knew my spirit was telling body it was overwhelmed so I listened to it and took my rest.

January contained a healing energy that allowed for an inner cleansing and re-focus of the present. After a much needed reset, I’m just getting started with tapping into the greatness 2022 has to offer me. I will be intentional about affirming God is with me, putting me first more, and I will stop waiting for “it” to happen, because when I’m well, everyone around me is able to enjoy the overflow. Here’s to a year filled with healing, phenomenal success, abundant love, prosperity and peace💜

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