I Sold my Soul.

Not too long ago, I made a conscious decision to sell my soul. I knew it was the right thing to do AND at the same time I was quietly SCREAMING inside, because I knew from that moment on, my life was not my own…

The past 7 years of my life have felt like hell in a nutshell! Many days I felt confused and wanted to give up. I was going through A LOT of painful transitions, seeking guidance for my next steps, wondering what was next for me and if I was even making the right decisions, all while healing from the pain of my past, so that I could be better for ME first, and in turn for everyone else. Those 7 years were one of the loneliest places in time for me. Part of the loneliness I experienced was self-induced, and the other part was necessary for my divine healing. The woman I was becoming cost me EVERYTHING I had grown to know as my life and I decided to choose her over everything and everyone, because every situation, thing and relationship proved to be unsupportive to my healing, and of me stepping into my innate power to be me, unapologetically.

Looking back, and from the outside in, every year seemed like a repeat of the previous one because I was in the same place physically. I didn’t want anyone to know what was going on inside of my seemingly happy life. In my eyes, it was embarrassing and I was ashamed and angry with myself for allowing the people in my life to handle me un-lovingly for so long that it became a customary ritual for them. I knew I was healing and maturing on the inside-emotionally, mentally and spiritually, because my outlook concerning my life and my reason for being changed from a mundane routine, to purpose-filled intentional thoughts and actions that supported me in thriving in my life!

I no longer found it fulfilling, at any level, to live my truth according to the untruth others defined me by. As I continued to heal, I was also learning about who God created me to be in the earth and I stepped into that divine power by faith. I quickly began to see my life as all light, and I noticed my attractions began to change, because I made a conscious decision to sell my soul to the light of Christ-the ultimate unconditional love. My new awareness gave me the courage to take control of my life piece by piece, and own every ounce of it with a peaceful authority. When I was no longer attracted to, or satisfied with what I had grown to accept as my life, because it wasn’t mine nor me, I knew I was evolving.

2 Corinthians 11:10-14 shares “The truth of Christ is in me…and I will keep doing what I’ve been doing…even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light.” I found it easy to sell my soul to God’s will for my life, because at even my darkest moments, I knew the light of Christ was within me. I knew there was soooo much more for me to do than what I was doing: living my life from a place of conformity within unhealthy relationships to fit into a world that wasn’t serving my highest good in the least. I just didn’t understand how to thrive in that light without losing all that I had known as my livelihood, only to realize God had already accepted me just as I am. Through my surrender to His will for my life, He began to mold me and make me in His image of love, patience, kindness, peace, joy, wisdom and understanding. Matthew 22:14 shares, “Many are called, but few are chosen,” meaning God calls us all to live our divine purpose, but only the chosen will answer the call. I have been called and I am also comfortable owning I have been chosen. I desired to be in alignment with God’s will for my life so that I could successfully fulfill my purpose during my lifetime.

There is something so freeing about the ability to live your divine purpose, without feeling obligated to act, believe, think or respond according to the façade of perfection society makes you think is necessary to thrive in true happiness. It’s a process that opens your awareness more and more to examine every area of your life, leading you to weed out who is for you and who is not. Matthew 6:22 shares, “Your eyes are the windows to your body (soul). If your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light.” Your soul houses your emotions and free will. It is either light or dark. We are all born with the privilege to use our free will as we please; God never forces us to do anything.

As God began to transform my heart by healing the hurt and pain I was suppressing, awakening the true essence of who I was created to be and turning my heart to flesh, I was able to feel again. Isaiah 66:9 shares, “God never causes pain without allowing something new to be born.” I sold my soul to God so that He could use me for His glory as I live my purpose to be a light in the darkness. I desire for my heart to be so pure and filled with the love of God that when others are in my presence, see or hear me, they only feel and come to know the unconditional love of God. I realized without God, I am absolutely nothing and every gift He has given me is to be used for the up building of His kingdom.

I saw first-hand how God, in all of His awesomeness, has my best interest at heart and when the time is right, every energy, relationship, person, situation, thing and thought that does not support my highest good in life will be shed from my being and replaced with God’s absolute best. My new awareness showed me my life is not my own and my purpose is bigger than me. As private as I am, I share my story with others because I know “We defeat darkness by the word of our testimony” (Revelations 12:11). So it is with great pleasure, boldness and authority that I share loud and proud “I sold my soul and I am your vessel God, use me as you please for Your glory.”

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