“But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness…” Galatians 5:22
It’s one thing to read something and understand it, and whole other thing to know how to attain it…the latter has always been my problem! I’ve heard about all the great things concerning who God is for the majority of my life, and how important it is to have faith in God. As a little girl, I didn’t really connect the two: you know having faith in a God who is spirit, maybe because I didn’t need to at the time. Into my teenage years and young adulthood, I still didn’t, but it didn’t really matter then either, because God’s word had already been hidden in my heart. However, during that time in my life, my heart’s desires just seemed to manifest for me, almost like magic! I would pray for something and I would get it without any finagling from anyone to “make” it happen for me.
Most times, I would simply voice my desires in my alone time, and I knew God heard me, because they would always materialize in real time shortly after I had the thought. I remember when I was 17 years of age. It was January of my last year of high school. I knew I would be graduating within 3 weeks, which was a semester early, because I had completed all my required credits. I started thinking more deeply about my post graduation life. I knew I wanted: to start taking a few college courses, attain a good job and start dating.
Shortly before I was due to graduate, I was looking at a career magazine and I started reading an article about a young lady, 18 years of age, working as a secretary. After reading the article, I said to myself, “I want a secretary job…” The next day at school, my friend who was also graduating early, told me about a job she was just hired for by one of the teachers at our school doing taxes. She asked me if I would be interested in interviewing for the job as well, because he was looking to hire one more student. I told her I was interested. She introduced me to him later that day. He set up a time for me to come for an interview that Saturday.
My mother took me to the interview, and I started working the following Monday evening of my last week of high school. A few days later, the same teacher who hired me to work for his tax business told me he had another job for me. He asked me to meet him at a law office the next day. I met him at the law office and he introduced me to the attorney. She asked me if I would be interested in being her legal secretary. I asked her a few questions about her expectations. She answered all my questions, and also told me how much she would pay me. I told her I was interested and I started working as her legal secretary the following Monday.
Also around this time, I remember praying for a boyfriend. I told God I wanted him to be tall, no shorter than 6’3, light-skinned, bow-legged (don’t ask me why) and he had to go to church regularly. That Sunday at church I saw him! I didn’t say anything to him. A few Sundays passed and I wanted to know if he was the man I prayed for. Before I went to sleep that Saturday night, I asked God to allow him to talk to me after church tomorrow if he was the one. He was at church Sunday and I noticed he kept looking at me. After church, a lady I knew told me someone wanted to meet me, and that he had been asking her about me the past few Sundays. I asked her who it was and it was him! He walked up to us, introduced himself to me, and asked if he could have my phone number. I gave him my number and he called me that night. We started dating a short time later. I finished my last day in high school that week. I started my first quarter of college in March. Life just seemed to be going so good for me! Everything I asked for manifested within weeks of one another.
By my mid to late 20’s, it seemed like my “magic” had run out and nothing I desired was happening for me, so I chose to try to make things happen in my life on my own. I was not reliant on my faith in God at all. I was now 30 years of age and I hated the place I was in-emotionally, mentally and physically. My spiritual awareness seemed to be obsolete. I didn’t care much about praying, nor asking God for anything because my life seemed to be falling apart, and in my mind He didn’t seemed to be helping to put it back together for me. Things I desired were slipping thru the cracks of my fingers. I wanted the simplicity of manifesting my heart’s desire, like I had in my late teens and early 20’s. When I thought about what that “magic” was, I discovered it was simply my faith in God. Even though I felt like I didn’t have much of a connection to Him, I somehow understood he could connect to me thru my heart’s desires. I simply believed…period. As a grown woman who had lived thru many experiences, I saw how my pain and hurt fueled my dis-belief in my source, God, and caused me to neglect what I already had within me: love, peace, joy, patience and faithfulness to make me enough. Therefore I felt like I had nothing and I was nothing!
I don’t know what it was…it was as if I felt like God was punishing me and that He didn’t love me any more, because here I was in my mid 30’s divorced, with 2 children, no hope, a broken spirit, and a wounded heart trying to start my life all over again. N-O-T-H-I-N-G I was working so hard to achieve was happening for me!! I had no faith or trust in God, myself, nor the process, and upon taking a closer look, I realized it was me who separated from God and I was the one who stopped exercising my faith. I wanted to get back to the place in my faith that I trusted God, even though I didn’t know how to fully connect to Him. This time, I wanted a relationship with God. I wanted to hone my faith, because I knew where I was going I needed God and it would only be my faith that would get me thru some of the things and situations I knew were ahead of me.
The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still Exodus 14:14 NIV
Being still was so hard for me! I love to be consumed with doing things that are adding to the greater good of my life, and I’ve been that way for the majority of my life. I always have a plan and if for some reason my plan does not work, I examine it to see what could have possibly went wrong. I do all I can do until I get the job done! However, that way of life and mindset seemed to be put on pause for me, and I was having a hard time navigating life on my own. I had experienced enough hurt from those closest to my heart that trusting the intimate details of my life to anyone was a non-negotiable. I noticed my life was very quiet, and so was I. There was nothing going on short of my daily routine of work, home and motherhood, and I didn’t have much to say about it because I didn’t understand why I was being stunted from moving forward, nor why I didn’t have the answer as to why.
I made a conscious decision one day.
I decided to go within…me. If God lives in my heart, then I should be able to “find” Him there. I started by making simple requests, and I began to understand what being still was all about.
- God wanted a total and complete surrender from me of my free will to align with His will for my life. I could no longer “do things my way,” and then and only then if they fail call on God for help, because that’s the only time I felt like I needed him. God is not a dead-beat father. God is a faithful, loving and committed father who holds true in fulfilling every word spoken concerning His promises for us, His children.
- Being still does not mean do absolutely nothing. Being still involves you going within (you), seeking God through prayer for your next steps. I found that simply asking God the question: “What do I need to do?” was enough to give me the answers I needed for my next steps, even if God’s answer to me was wait.
- When God says wait, just wait. God is the ultimate everything good! He is omnipotent and omnipresent…that never changes! When God says wait, it is not a punishment. It is a time for you to exercise and hone the fruit of patience within you. Even when it seems as though no one in the entire world has your back, God does and He’s telling you to wait for your highest good.
God asks us to wait for 3 reasons:
- it’s simply not time.
- God is still preparing you for him, her and/or it.
- God is redirecting you to some one, thing and/or situation much better than you think you need or want at the moment.
Once I understood what being still meant, I had a greater understanding of how much God absolutely loves me. My level or anxiety decreased and I gained a greater level of peace in simply knowing God was looking out for me and all things were working together for my good. My relationship with God began to grow and my faith in Him was strengthened. For the first time in my life, I was ok with not knowing my next steps like a playbook, and trusting that God did, and that He was working every single detail out for my highest good, and in His perfect timing for my entire life, which includes everything and every one who concerns me!
It’s human nature and conditioning that makes us feel like we always have to be doing something to build our future, and not knowing our next step immediately is the devil trying to block us! That mindset is so far from the truth. God desires that we trust Him whole-heartedly with our entire life, as we lean on Him as our complete source for EVERYTHING!
When life seems to slow down for me, I am learning its simply God urging me to be still. After I am still, I am restored to a deeper level of peace, I receive the answers I need concerning my next steps and I am more aware of my life as a whole, as well as the status of my heart’s desires.
Now that life has slowed down for the nation as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic, I encourage you to use this time to be still. Go within. Listen intently. Receive. Wait patiently, as you do the part of the work that is in your hands, and have faith that God is doing the rest!
Blessings, light, peace & love to you always and forever💜💜💜