Have you ever felt like the circumstances in your life seemed to get worse after you took intentional steps to make your life better? For the past 7 years I promise that question has felt like the story of my life until I received a life-changing revelation…
“Unrelenting disappointment leaves you heartsick, but a sudden good break can turn life around” Proverbs 13:12.
I remember the day I read that scripture and all I could think about was the many disappointments that had me sick with worry, hopelessness and confusion! I was experiencing the first part of that scripture in real-time, and holding on to all the faith I had for my good break, which never seemed to come. It seemed like E V E R Y B O D Y in the world was thriving and living life to the fullest, and then there was me, suffering as I attempted to make life better for my children and me. I was beginning to think I was going crazy!
I was adjusting to life after my divorce, healing through the pain and trying to re-start my life as a single mother with children, all while trying to convince myself I was making the right decisions. I’ve always heard the “grass isn’t always greener on the other side,” but mine was because I was at peace, even though I had lost a lot of things in my transition. I just couldn’t understand why nothing else in my physical world was coming together enough for me to look like I was winning. It seemed like everyone knew I was divorced, and I was getting tired of people asking me if I was OK, because they were the same people who never asked about me before. I didn’t feel like explaining, “what happened” to anyone else or why I was trying to do a career change at my age.
I just wanted to be happy…period. I wanted to thrive in life for my children and me. Most of all I wanted to be FREE to be Me completely! I had a new desire to live my life on purpose and to fulfill my destiny, because I knew what I was doing wasn’t ALL I should be doing with my life, for the rest of my life. I loved my career in the beauty industry! I loved teaching and inspiring my students daily, but I knew there was something more for me to do in the world. I just didn’t realize that my divorce would be the catalyst that would spark my awakening to becoming and living my divine purpose.
I was healing beautifully and well on my way to being whole. I had a great plan for rebuilding my life. I didn’t want much…just to be happy, graduate from college, attain a career in federal government, get myself established, save money, buy a condo for me and my children and thrive BUT I soon learned God had other plans for my life. I couldn’t find a job in my career…or even one that was close to it. For 2 years, every door that I knocked on that led to a job opportunity, was introduced to or presented with was closed in my face. I couldn’t understand what was going on. I had the skills, knowledge and abilities, along with the proper credentials for every position I applied for, but I never got a return call, an email response nor an interview from any of the thousand and one applications I submitted around the country! So many days I thought about burning that fresh $30,000 piece of paper the university I just graduated from sent me for all my blood, sweat and tears, because it had proven to be worthless in my eyes.
A new year had begun and I needed to know what was going on in my life, so I went to God in prayer. I received the answer that I needed with several confirmations to follow. It was the same answer I received a few years earlier, but I just didn’t want to accept at the time: I am my job, and I am to create my own by using my skills in writing and teaching to be a beacon of light and a living demonstration of faith, joy, principle and action. In my mind, I could do that later. You know, after I got myself established and worked my dream job for a couple of years. Furthermore, I didn’t sign up for that! There is a plethora of people who actually want to do that, and in my mind, God should continue to use them. God wasn’t going anywhere, and that meant I had time to do ministry after I did what I wanted to do. So I continued applying for positions in my quest to attain my dream job, but my way wasn’t working.
I was disappointed, sad, angry, confused, disgusted and eager for the change I desired. I had enough of living in the shadows of my past because I felt that’s what others identified me with being, because I was in the same physical place. I was evolving into a new woman on the inside, and at the same time I didn’t understand why my life wasn’t moving forward on the outside.
A couple of months into that year I decided to donate everything in my storage unit to the storm victims who had lost everything, because I couldn’t afford to pay the rent on my unit any longer. As I was going through my boxes, I found a small wooden box that I picked up from a cigar shop near my job. The shop owner would set the boxes outside on a table for the public to enjoy. Each box was a unique, hand-made piece of art. I remember picking up the cherry wood box and taking it home with me. I opened the box and inside I found a letter I had written to my future “Accomplished, Thriving and Joyful” self a few years prior.
As I was holding the box, I remembered the story of Mary who went to Bethany where Jesus was being served dinner by Martha, and eating with Lazarus and his disciples. Mary took her alabaster box full of expensive perfume, poured the perfume on Jesus’ feet, anointing them and wiped his feet with her hair. The whole house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. Judas complained about her act of love toward Jesus stating she could sell the perfume, and give the money to the poor instead of wasting it on Jesus’ feet. Jesus replied, “Leave her alone. She did this in preparation for my burial” (John 12:3-7).
At that moment, my life appeared before me, I thought about everything I had been through and how much I had overcome. I thought about my healing and about how much I had matured spiritually. I thought about how selfish I was being by pushing my life purpose aside to later, and how I could be of service to God and others through living my purpose, if I would just use the energies I was directing towards giving attention to the mere opinions of others concerning my life, instead of re-directing them to living my divine purpose…so I did!
1 Peter 5:10 shares “…So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.” My alabaster box was full of each and every experience I had lived through, along with all of the pain and suffering; as well as every step of my healing journey I took to becoming whole. The oil in my alabaster box was full of every ounce of emotion and pain that would allow me to live my purpose authentically. It was anointed by God and contained the faith, joy, light and love that strengthened me, and placed me on a firm foundation to be restored and supported as I work to fulfill my purpose; empowering me to be of service to others so they too can be blessed.
When we go through various experiences in life that cause us to die to self, heal and surrender our will to God’s will, God anoints us to be of service to others in the very area that once had us bound, so they too can be healed and made whole! Isaiah 66:9 shares, “In the same way I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born, says the Lord…” My pain allowed me to be the heart of suffering, develop the faith required for forgiveness, restoration, support and strength to be made whole. My new was the greater I had been seeking to be fulfilled in my life. I just didn’t realize it would be packaged in a box full of pain that God anointed, allowing me to fulfill my purpose and destiny in the earth.
Whatever God has anointed you to do, do it in faith with a joy and passion that inspires yourself and others to do the same! Let your greatest reward be embodied in Matthew 26:13, “For sure, I tell you, Wherever the good news is preached in all the world, this woman will be remembered for what she has done.”
Blessings, light, love, peace and joy to you always!