I can admit I have a problem with people who just don’t want to do right by others…

Recently, my accountant brought to my attention I was due a refund for a purchase I made that should have been tax exempt. I contacted the manager of the company, explained the situation, and was told that information was incorrect. I did a little research, confirmed my accountant was in fact correct, as the information was clearly explained on the state website. I went back to the manager, shared the information, and was told “management would look into it and get back to me.”

I waited a week and followed up with the manager who refused to refund the money to me.

At that point, I knew they knew I was due a refund, so I started exploring my options to get the money I was owed! I prayed about the situation to receive clarity on what route I should take, and God said, “Be still.”

I was livid!

I had already calculated the total of the refund, it was substantial, and God’s response was to be still. At first, all I could think about was all the means I had at my disposal to get the refund, but after coming to my senses, I made the decision to be still.

In that moment, God began to speak to me. He shared what I already knew, but didn’t want to hear…

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Exodus 14:14

So, I had to ask myself, why did I get so mad in the moment of God telling me to be still? I began to understand my upset was a trauma response rooted in a father wound. My past experiences of being disappointed, hurt, betrayed, lied on, talked about, misunderstood, and left to fend for myself in times when I really needed help and asked for it, left a deep wound, and as a result, I learned to depend on me, because if I let me down, then that’s on me. Because let’s be real, God doesn’t always come thru in the way we think He should, and at times, His ways of “fighting for us” can feel like a denial, a flat out no, rejection, and even disregard of our request, for so many reasons, some all our own.

For me, the hard part about being still was surrendering. A major part of being still involves putting my trust in the hands of someone else, and also being patient. I’m so used to handling business on my own that I rarely give a thought to asking for help, and going a step further, depending on that someone to do it… even if it is God. However, in my decision to heal, and surrender of my will to God’s will in every aspect of my life, my personal experience of God has shown me, God is exactly who He says He is: a father, provider, confidant, my strength, healer, way maker, the good shepherd, my peace, protector, and husband… The I am that I am; omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent. In short, my EVERYTHING! Time and time again, God is consistently true to his character, the total essence of His being, and He has yet to fail me.

A few years ago, I would have exhausted all the options at my disposal to get what I was owed, and if that didn’t work, then I would have gone to God in prayer about the situation. In my surrender to answer the call of purpose on my life, I’m learning to trust God with the entirety of my life, because that’s literally how dependent God wants us to be on Him. Even when I don’t agree with God’s answers to the point of upset, I still do what He says, because above all else, I understand God always has my highest good at heart. God has already gone ahead of me and the situation. He knows what is to come, and has also seen how the situation will work in my favor.

My healing journey and the work I continue to do daily has helped me to increase my awareness concerning my “why” for the decisions I make concerning my life. As my past trauma is triggered, I use my healing tools to get to the root of my responses- spiritually, mentally, and emotionally, and in the process, I make a conscious decision to release the trauma response, dissolve the fear, repair the foundation with unconditional love, and trust God!

What does that process look like?

It all depends on your trauma. For me, the father wound meant I had to forgive my father. In my extension of forgiveness, I no longer carried the resentment, mal emotions, and fear attached to my experience of him, and most of all, that past trauma was no longer triggered, which was the greatest testament of my healing for that particular wound.

When God says, “Be still,” it’s not a punishment; many times, it’s protection, Furthermore, in being still, God is not asking that we stand in nothing-ness. In being still, God is asking that we trust Him in the process of working out the situation. If God asks us to be still, it’s usually because we have done all we can do, and that’s the time God steps in on our behalf, in divine timing, to resolve the situation. In the process, our faith has the opportunity to grow, and we experience a peace that is comforting to our spirit, heart, and mind, because we’re able to see God’s hand give us a sure victory, even if that victory is not what we envisioned… in most situations it’s 1000% better! When God says He’ll fight for you, believe Him!

In what area(s) of your life do you need to be still and let God fight for you?

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